fire in the hole!

almost as exciting as our favorite ride at silver dollar city! almost. but definitively more exciting than dressing up in old cowboy and salloon-y type garb for an old time photo. ok. maybe equal amounts of exciting.

first, joren in the hole.

the stove, up on blocks, atop the wheely cart.

measure twice, hook the stove up once.

apparently, the instructions from denmark were less helpful than you might imagine. danes. i won't go into the details (mostly because i A. don't understand them and B. don't care) but joren spent about 100 hours researching how to hook an insanely heavy, danish stove to a NON MASONRY WALL. i am so tired of pretending to listen to things about NON MASONRY WALLS. it's exhausting!

and... we have fire.

for safety reasons, we've kicked some of the cardboard out of the way and broomed back the sawdust a foot or two.

and like a fool...

i was most dubious about ye olde hand crank. until, of course, joren showed up with the "foot jack scaffolding hooked to some 2x4's"

no. really. here's a closer look. some 2x4's hooked to some metal things bolted to the house. supposedly. at least he had the rock solid craigslist saftey warranty.

alright.

ALRIGHT! i'm all out of order. this is what happens when you ask me to cook ramen noodles with frozen peas for lunch AND sweep the job site all in one afternoon. multitasking is for amateurs. i prefer to hone in on one task and give it all 67% of my attention.

kitchen window hole. the biggest gaping hole of them all. aft, the saran-wrapped kitchen slider.

the crank is back! step right up and get a peek! THE MOST WOBBLY, UNSTABLE hand crank on the planet. men trust their lives to it! supporting seven thousand pounds of kitchen slider!

work crew: pants suit pat, young charles, smart phone eric and joren. not a one interested in a fun group photo.

chimney doin's

hold on. hold on. hold on. before we can even start discussing the chimney, we've got to revisit the WEATHERPROOFING SYSTEM conversation. you're wondering about the pink stuff. it went in all the cracks and nail holes. "ALL the cracks and nail holes, BETH," of which there were like a half a million. it was part two of the twenty-seven part weatherproofing system.

ok. the chimney. it's where we vent out all of our home's noxious fumes. also the smoke from the wood burning stove.

remember when there weren't any windows?

idiots. it was just like 2 posts ago. this will jog your memories.

i sort of miss the sheet plastic and plywood. but what we'll miss most? the cat conventions that the neighborhood felines held every night after we'd switched off the lights and securely locked the front door.

and the yellow stuff? some sort of paint-on weather protection. joren said it was in lieu of the black paper stuff. but guess what went up on top of the yellow paint? the black paper stuff.

window mania

i can't say i didn't love the window holes. i did. like the teeth on a jack-o-lantern. or a hobo. they suggested mystery, adventure or a story untold. a promise of what's to come. but less pulp and mouth stink.

all told, we installed 147 windows. or maybe it 47. either way, it seemed like 471. they're pretty. and the best part? all the stickers i got to peel off! now that's some honest to goodness wife work. thank god i'm here to head up the sticker removal committee. and the smudges! you should see them with the sunlight streaming through. spectacular.

window words i've learned: fixed, operable, casement, awning, glass.

ahh. windows.

i know. I KNOW. i've been busy.

new digs

this is how the high-rise fancy-ass city living is going. views of hood, mt. saint helen's, ranier on a clear day and a constant parade of hobos 15 floors down.

just try to picture it without the rainbow sheet draped over the couch. it's much fancier.

pop up

third floor deck where all the watermelon launching and roman candle fights will happen. and yes, just inside the door, a mini fridge stocked with pine needle juice, aka fun nectar. also, little smokies. and that's what i'm talking about.

and to show all you earth haters what's what, there'll be a green roof. some call it an eco-roof. my take? giant cat box. yes, that i alone will be in charge of cleaning.

king of the pop up. really, it's me. but it's fun to let joren dream (hence the paper mache nail gun so he doesn't hurt himself).

deal of the century

i got this beauty on an errand to buy string-up work lights. but look! it's an old horseshoe! waaaay better than string-up work lights. it doesn't light the workspace quite as well as you might think, but look! it's an old horseshoe!

we're open for business 24/7

just like 7-11 without the slurpee machine. or a truckstop, but the bathrooms are marginally cleaner, and also fewer truck whores.

string up some lights and it's like a quiceanera! meets barn dance! meets that last scene in footloose! i mean, did that town really think they could stop ren from cuttin' footloose? idiots.

in tarp city, usa you've got to batten down the hatches. i like to call this particular inclement weather tarp exercise: "when it's all said and done, you might end up getting divorced or flying off the roof or riddled with severe cord burns". it's sort of like the trust fall where you fall back into a web of what you think are capable, trustworthy arms, but instead land in a pile of wood chips like i did at church camp in fourth grade.

because when jesus cries on our house, you've got to be ready.

it's hard to see, but imagine if you will...

the cat training arena will be in the upper left hand room, as seen without a wall here. the roof rafters are where we will hang the hobos in the drying process of my new brainchild: hobo-jerky (patent pending).

stairs to the top of the water slide! (currently, a tie vote has brought the entire water slide idea to a temporary, albeit screeching, halt.)

and a roof. yes, where the go carts and summer bible school classes will be.

before...

ahh. before. remember before? barely. flowers. green grass. my brain tells me it was pretty and clean and tidy. maybe not tidy, but perhaps whispers of organization.

next stop

so, we were finally booted out of our digs across the street from the job site. yes, the neighbors got paroled. we packed our bags and moved downtown to what i like to call some fancy ass high rise living. the walls are made of glass! there's a concierge! the air is circulated! garbage chute? yes! a garbage chute! and, as a bonus, there's no lawn to mow and no firewood patrol. let me back up. firewood patrol: where i wheelbarrow around the yard picking up scraps of lumber while at the same time making a number of highly-technical, potentially-critical wood decisions. a. is it plywood and is small enough to be recycled? b. is it plywood and big enough to be used for a picket sign in the future? c. is it burnable and can we use it this winter for firewood when the heat still isn't installed? d. is it pressure treated in which case using it as firewood would destroy 16% of my remaining brain cells? e. is that another splinter in my finger? f. i'm hungry. i wonder what we have for snacks in the makeshift kitchen.

it's hard. i'll be standing there with a piece of wood in my hand, running options a through q and joren will shout down, "Hey get a move on, wouldja, Sweetie?" so i do. sort of.

so, here we are. 15 floors up. almost in heaven, except we're still alive to enjoy it! no harps or wings, though. damn, i've always wanted a harp. AND there's a dollar store just out the front door! have you ever been? things are A DOLLAR. each. a modest sized bag of pork rinds? one dollar. really thin foil? one dollar. a bag of what i thought was shredded cheese, only to take it home and read on the packaging "not intended to be melted"? ONE DOLLAR. so, there you have it. we're officially fancy in the building right next to the dollar store. i'm going to get a roll of quarters this week to start tipping the guy who opens the front door for me every time i leave or come back from the dollar store. which is a lot.

and i'm not sure who's reading this, but it looks like at least 13 of you are followers. i'm going to say one word: lame. i'll be honest. i'm interested in creating a larger group of followers at this point in my life and i can promise you i'll be a dutifully irresolute leader. dithering with a hint of indecisiveness. hemming one day, hawing the next. vacillating constantly, unwaveringly ambivalent and accurate a solid 66% of the time. so think about it.

thoughtful joren

no no no. not that way. don't be ridiculous. not the flower-buying way. or the holding-doors-open way. i've given up on all that craziness. 16 or 17 dropped doors on a girl's head will knock those wacky aspirations loose for good.

exterior

wow! i know. the birch trees behind the house are com-pro-mised. some sort of a beetle infestation. dropping leaves everywhere. and who gets to rake them all up? who knows. maybe they'll blow away.

this is mostly where the gawkers stand. they shout things a lot and we pretend can't hear them over the noise of the compressor.

yesterday's conversation with a lady i don't know: her: "it sure looks big" me: "it's the same footprint of the old house." her: "well, it sure looks big." me: "it's got to be if all 16 of us are going to be living there."

lady's pie hole? closed for business.

upstairs

"in your face first floor! you look like an idiot!" the second floor seems to say.

with every passing day

joren gets a little more thinky. i know. i didn't think it could happen, either.

after this house building project is over, i'm going to sign him up for a think tank. whatever that is.

upstairs guest bedroom walls.

friendly faces around the jobsite

this is our friend chuck. he grows hair really well but he's good at other things, too. like getting his ass all up in every one of my photos. yes, chuck, you have a fabulous ass. we know! but i'm guessing it's hairy. like i said, he grows hair really well.

and chuck's mom--if you're reading this--we're doing our best to keep chuck safe. mostly out on very narrow, very high rafters or under unwieldy, insanely heavy beams.

seriously. enough with these stupid overhang-y shots, you're thinking. i know you are. because i am.

and we have a second story! sort of.